emerging

I finally feel good this morning. Yesterday I cheated and took some penicillin that we had lying around here, and two hours later my fever was gone and I actually felt alive. If I had gone to the doctor I would probably have had to pay the $22 copay, $150 deductible, with no guarantee of getting anything more than advice to rest, drink fluids, etc.

It's a beautiful sunny day, and I'm off to Sax Zim in a few hours with Lynne! I hope to share a picture of a boreal chickadee, or gray jay, or northern hawk owl when I get back! Have a great weekend!

still resting up...

Just a quick note to say I'm home again today, still not feeling quite right. I've been resting, drinking lots of fluids, and trying to let a fever run its course every now and then before I snuff it out with ibuprofen so I can sleep. I am determined, however, to be feeling better by tomorrow so I can make it to the Sax Zim Winter Birding Festival with Lynne of Hasty Brook!

I'm getting bored. I've watched nearly all the Cheers and Northern Exposure I can handle. I finally have the TV to myself, only to realize in hundreds of channels of satellite TV there is really nothing on. Well, except maybe Sponge Bob.

You're up one day, the next you're down

That's the way that the world goes round
You're up one day, the next you're down
It's a half an inch of water and you think you're gonna drown
But that's the way that the world goes round

-John Prine

I was going to write last weekend about how amazingly good I felt physically. I went out running both Saturday and Sunday right after sunset, which I have decided is my favorite time to run, at least this time of year. I spent some time outdoors Sunday afternoon catching pitches for Calvin. I sat cross legged on my yoga mat, playing Irish tunes on flute. I felt positively giddy.

Then on Monday I started coughing and could not stop. Today, Wednesday, I still feel pretty miserable; in fact I should be in bed right now. Oh well, maybe something's trying to tell me I need some down time. I spent yesterday sleeping and watching Cheers and Northern Exposure DVD's on the laptop computer. I also watched the huge flock of redpolls at the feeder, and I think maybe, just maybe, I saw one hoary redpoll mixed in with the common ones. But how do you know when redpolls are constantly in motion, flying off into the trees at the least little cue?

I listened to most of Obama's press conference the other night. All I can say is, I have a lot of respect for the man for taking on this enormous mess we're in. I just wish Congress would heed his pleas to end the bipartisan bickering! I heard one Republican congressman use the term "our side" to describe voting on the economic stimulus package. We're all in this together folks. There is no "us" and "them". We're not still in high school throwing a pep rally for the big game against "them". It's our country's future at stake, not the future of the Democratic or Republican or Green or Pink or Purple Party. Not that I agree with everything about the stimulus package, and I don't know enough about economics to know if it will work or not, but then again, does anyone?

I do like some of the things Obama is talking about, like making our buildings more energy efficient. I think it is insane to build any structure that is going to waste energy in its everyday functioning. But I felt it was ironic he was speaking in Elkhart, Indiana, the RV capitol of the USA. Is it really about getting back on track and fixing credit so Americans can start buying gas guzzling behemoths again? Where does the question "how much is enough?" enter the picture? Can we expect the economy to grow indefinitely, without eventually killing its host?

We need a paradigm shift here. And I don't think Obama, or any mere mortal, can single handedly accomplish that.

Just the ramblings of a sick woman here. Time for some more Northern Exposure.

Lyme rant

Why do medical practitioners rely on notoriously unreliable tests to diagnose Lyme disease, instead of considering clinical presentation?

And why will they give out statin drugs like candy to "treat" high cholesterol, which is not even a disease, but yet someone like me with obvious symptoms of Lyme, a disease with potential for continued degradation of quality of life, among other things, who does not pass the unreliable tests, is refused any kind of treatment?

I am 41 years old. My joint pain came on suddenly a month ago, and was exactly like when I was diagnosed the first time. My left knee has been throbbing all week. You can't tell me it's just osteoarthritis, my joints "wearing out". But that's what my PA seems to think. Or is told what to think, what to diagnose. Of course, we wouldn't want to give out antibiotics willy nilly to someone who might need them, because it might cause resistant strains, meantime we're treating nearly our whole damn animal food supply with them, prophylactically. It's not an insurance cost issue either. I know a course of Doxycycline doesn't even meet my drug copay, so it's all out of pocket.

Why don't they want Lyme patients to be acknowledged, and to be treated?

I think I may have a battle ahead of me.

our medical system

I left a message with The Hermit's doctor's nurse this morning, at about 9:30 AM. I, as a spouse, have been left out of the loop of his diagnosis and treatment, and I just wanted to know what's going on.

As of 9 pm, I have not had a response.

Sick.

UPDATE-- see my comment. Good news.

uncertainty

So, despite the optimism I have presented in the last couple of posts, we really don't know what is going on. We are going in for an MRI tomorrow, which may explain some things.

He is still very weak on his right side. Speech, though better, is not 100%.

I have not had an easy weekend. Besides getting through daily life, I have been wondering on all sorts of outcomes. But, I always come out with this easy feeling that, no matter what, we will get through this. Although I practically had a nervous breakdown last night, and I've hardly eaten for 2 days. I did have a good talk with the kids, who were understandably nervous about why Daddy isn't the way he usually is.

My stepson and his girlfriend and her 8 year old son came today to pick up a load of wood and stack it and help with the animal chores. I love them. They were making some jokes about D (her son) maybe having to buy beer someday for his uncle (Mr. Attitude, who is almost 6). The fact that that is being talked about blows my mind. But, everyone is way concerned about their Dad.

please send prayers, good thoughts, or whatever

The Hermit is in the hospital.

But first, the good news. I just talked with him and he sounds a lot better than he did before. So I don't think the situation is critical.

For the last day or so he had been having some difficulty with balance, and also with talking. He looked and sounded drunk, although I knew otherwise. The talking part was the weirdest. He said he was thinking normally, but he had a delay in retrieving the right words and his speech was slurred.

I told him he needed to see a doctor NOW. Typical male he is, he insisted "I'm fine!" He finally agreed to go to urgent care this morning and they admitted him.

His doctor initially thought he had had a stroke, but tests did not indicate it. We are convinced it is Lyme disease. He was treated for it about a month ago, with ten days of antibiotics. Which is NOT enough to wipe out an acute Lyme infection. Three weeks at the minimum, a month is better.

He is planning on checking himself out tomorrow, regardless of what the doc says. Like I said, he sounded way better, not 100%, but a lot better on the phone after taking one antibiotic pill.

I gotta go do chores and pick up kids from school and chop wood and start a fire and stuff. Be back later this evening.

resolve, and accountability

I almost started another blog today. In fact, I started it, then deleted it. I came to my senses and realized I hardly had the creative juice for one blog, let alone two, let alone three.

That blog was to be about some personal changes I am striving to make. Most importantly, I want to lose weight. About fifty pounds. Yikes. I am not going on a diet; I already eat pretty well and, from what I've seen, diets just don't work. What I am doing is mostly increasing my physical activity. I have to get more serious about exercise. Also, I'm being selective about the kind of exercise I do; I've heard the more muscle you have, the higher your metabolism. So I'm going to be this kind of metabolic goddess, eating away at my vast stored reserves. At least in theory.

The other blog was supposed to be my accountability, but I quickly realized I was setting myself up for failure by imposing yet another blogging time eater on myself. So I'll try to be accountable here. It doesn't fit in with the main themes of this blog (except maybe The Good Life) but as I've seen recently, I have a pretty good community of folks here who will encourage me. Right? I'll try not to bore you with excessive self analytic self improvement type drivel.

So here we go. I walked 2.6 miles today over my lunch hour. I felt like I could walk twice that far, if I had the time. I also previewed a Pilates DVD from the library in the morning and decided that this particular DVD was not for me, and maybe DVD's may not work altogether, but if I learned a few key exercises and practiced for ten to fifteen minutes in the morning, that just might work.

if you want to dance...

...I guess you gotta pay the piper. I'm paying the piper with interest these days. My feet hurt. Bad.

It all started Friday, when we took in a small town festival, Braham Pie Day. Not much dancing, but a lot of walking. We went there because my 88 year old grandma wanted us to come and have a celebration of Starflower's 8th birthday (8-13) and my niece Katie's 10th birthday (7-7). My brother was leaving for Singapore on business the next day, so it was also an opportunity to see him for the last time in half a year or more.

Also, I am reminded of the John Prine song "Hello In There". My grandma is perhaps Braham's most senior resident. But she's getting on in years, starting to get perhaps a little confused and hard of hearing, but she just loves when her family comes to visit. So it's my family duty to say "hello in there" once in a while.

At least Braham had some taste in selecting music, as they hired The Whistlepigs to perform two sets. Unfortunately Chris, the guitar player, could not make this gig due to recent surgery (get better Chris!) so the band sounded about 75% or less of normal. Which is still good, but they had to cut out a lot of original songs that the fill in guitar player didn't know. And it seemed like the Braham crowd had maybe not heard of bluegrass music before. And the sound left something to be desired. Not blaming The Whistlepigs at all; they give 110% at every gig.

I have to brag about my daughter here. She got $25 in birthday money, which we allowed her to spend at the various vendors at the festival. She spent $6 buying me a T-shirt, a markdown from the 2001 festival, because she just wanted to buy me something. I wore it to bed that night. Sweet.

So...back to sore feet. Saturday Calvin and Starflower had arrangements to sleep over at friends' houses, so The Hermit and I took Mr. Attitude out for a night on the town. The town of Mahtowa, MN, population 100 or so, and home of the Highway 61 (yes, the one Dylan sang about) Folks Festival.



We listened to local musician Charlie Parr, pictured above with his excellent washboard player. We were dancing before the end of his set. Then came Pert Near Sandstone, a rootsy old timey bluegrass group with attitude. I couldn't help but dance with Mr. Attitude. And dance, and dance like a maniac.

The next morning when I hopped out of bed, my feet nearly gave way underneath me. Not only did the left ankle I had slightly sprained the week before hurt, not only did my right knee twinge with some new injury, but the soles of my feet just hurt, especially near the heels. It hardly got better all day Sunday. Today I learned that there is a name for this kind of pain, plantar fasciitis, and I'm hoping it's just a temporary thing.

Getting old sucks.

eyes

I went for an eye appointment today. I have gone without corrective lenses for 39 years, but I thought I should at least get my eye health checked before I suddenly found myself among the middle aged.

The verdict: While it is not legally necessary for me to wear corrective lenses for any function of life, I was impressed with how my far-sight vision has decreased through the years. I just might get a pair of glasses for driving, bird watching, looking out over an audience...anyway, wishful thinking aside, anything that might require me to look out over a distance. Oh, middle age. I embrace thee. I think.

What I've really been thinking about lately

My catch phrase for everything these days is "When we get into the new house..." For example: "Starflower, you'll be able to have a friend sleep over without infringing on Mom and Dad's privacy." As if we have any. And I tell myself: "You'll have a place to play music, do yoga, even umm...have some fun with your spouse!"

It all hinges on that. Living in small quarters with children (not to mention dogs) without indoor plumbing has got to be one of the most chronically stressful situations I have encountered. College dorm life seems comparatively attractive. I feel like I'm about ready to lose it more often than I care to admit. We need that space!

But, since that has been the situation for four years and counting, I have found other things to divert my attention. I have, I've decided, been overly obsessed with my health. True, I have gained more weight that I would like to these last few years, but I find myself obsessing over every little ache, taking more supplements than I probably need, spending hours on the Web reading what is mostly nonsense.

But can a woman who is as hopelessly out of shape as I keep tellimg myself I am, hop into the pool and swim forty laps in an hour after years of non-swimming? And even push myself into interval training? And meticulously avoid refined sugars, trans fats and high fructose corn syrup, the Evil Trinity of the modern diet?

Maybe I have more inner strength than I give myself credit for.

There's more. But it's late.

busy and in pain

Sorry to disappoint all you bloggers who click in eager anticipation of finding a new post (and I know who at least two of you are! ;) ) I have been Busy lately. Busy as in driving to the cities, which I already blogged about, which takes up a whole day. Busy as in taking Calvin to a sleepover party and being invited to stay for dinner on Monday night. We arrived back home at ten minus Calvin and Starflower, who stayed overnight also with her best friend. This is the first summer that our kids have had such an active social life. Busy, as in staying today for the after work retirement party of a coworker whom I will miss. In the fifteen years I have known him, today was the first time I ever saw him drink a beer. Thirty five years given to the State, I guess he's earned it.

And, in pain. Mr. Attitude's Lyme disease got me thinking about my own health. The doctor called today and said his blood test definitely confirmed Lyme disease. Which is significant, because from what I've read the test gives over 50% false negatives. I got on the Web, and started reading up on Lyme, because lately, well, I just haven't been 100%. It turns out that many of the symptoms I have had over the last seven years are consistent with a chronic case of Lyme disease. I realized today that I have some sort of pain more often than not. Sometimes I get pain in my hips so sharp I have difficulty walking. Am I just supposed to accept that, at 39 I'm getting older and this is the way it's supposed to be? I think there's something more to it. Does everyone out there live with a certain degree of pain? If not, what is life like without it?

more Lyme disease

Edited to add: This is what a bullseye rash, the most obvious symptom of Lyme disease, looks like. I saw three of these in the morning; by afternoon there were a dozen or so all over him. However, not everyone who gets Lyme disease shows such an obvious rash; I didn't. But once the doc got his eyes on this, there was a prescription in my hands in ninety seconds flat!

Yes, it's almost official; everyone in this family has now been afflicted with Lyme disease or erlichiosis, another tick-borne illness. Mr. Attitude was showing some strange symptoms last week, spiking a moderate fever every evening and one night writhing with pain in one leg. We had an appointment set up a week ago, then cancelled because he was starting to feel better. Today as I was waking him up, I noticed a small round red rash with a lighter center on his arm. I checked him over and found two more similar rashes. This was an exact repeat of the sequence of symptoms Starflower had two years ago. So today instead of going to daycare and work, we have a 10:30 appointment with the doctor.

Lyme disease is nothing to mess with. It is entirely treatable with a course of antibiotics if caught early, as Mr. Attitude's case probably is, but left untreated all kinds of chronic problems can occur. They say prevention is the best cure; wear repellant, long pants tucked in socks, and check for ticks daily. Yeah right. With three kids playing outdoors constantly, and the ticks the size of a pinhead or smaller, prevention is next to impossible.

Mr. Attitude, by the way, is feeling just fine right now.

photosensitivity or allergy?

I'd appreciate some input from anyone with experience with this. When I started going out on the lake every day, doing the muskie assessment, thus being exposed to sun and lake water and fish slime every day, I began to develop a rash on the backs of my hands, mostly the left (and I am left handed). It's like a bunch of raised reddish bumps, not like poison ivy, not itchy but a bit sensitive and warm. It goes away, then comes back when I go out on the lake again.

I'm thinking from the location it's a photosensitivity thing; I had something similar when I was on Doxycycline, an antibiotic for Lyme disease. But it's not on my face, which gets as much exposure as my hands. So maybe if I get my hands wet a bit it might be a combination of lake water and sunlight. I am allergic to one algae that is in this lake; one time I went tubing (towed in an inner tube behind the speedboat) and there was an algae bloom, I broke out in hives, the only time in my life that has happened. But if I am allergic to lake water, that has dire implications for my career!

I even went so far as to check the ingredients in the "natural" hand lotion I may have used the mornings before I went out; perhaps just one ingredient might cause a reaction in me when exposed to sunlight. But of course the label was unspecific when it came to "essential oils".

I should not complain; I know of others who have far worse lots with allergies and general health. But the first time anything happens, you gotta wonder.

placeholder post

I'm feeling sore and crabby today. My entire body hurts, no doubt related to my efforts yesterday to remove as much snow and ice as humanly possible from the floor of the new house. My rationale was that it would hasten the melting, and more importantly, the drying process, so we could restart our building efforts sooner, but I neglected to consider the fact that repeated kicking, stomping, lifting, throwing, and other physical actions beyond my normal routine could cause stress to joints and muscles. On top of it all, I have swollen glands in my neck, the indicator of a virus trying to take hold.

It's also the first day of spring break for the kids, and The Hermit is away on business until Wednesday, so I'm taking the days off to be with them. My mind, therefore, is not in a place where I can write anything coherent, let alone thoughtful. Although I have ideas. I heard the sandhill cranes today for the first time, and I saw two bluebirds when I was taking Togo for a walk. Hopefully I will regain my will to write soon.

pain in the neck

I have a big pain in the neck today, and it's not just my spouse. ;)

Normally my life is fairly pain-free. I'm not befallen by illness too often, and aside from the occasional offspring hurling themselves into my lap and scratching my corneas, I've not sustained any major injuries. But this morning, as I sat up in bed to check the time, I suddenly had the most horrible, sharp pain in my neck. It's been aching the last couple of days, but the way I slept and/or sat up suddenly really did it in. I fell back on my pillow, and literally could not move for the longest time without suffering.

Driving to work was out of the question, so I popped a couple Tylenol codeine that I had left from the eye incident and propped myself up on the couch to watch a couple Northern Exposure episodes we got from Netflix. I'm going to be at the computer just long enough to finish this, then I think I'll pick up Bernd Heinrich's The Winter World, which I'm reading with the gang at Whorled Leaves, and try to catch up with Ontario Wanderer.

well, I almost survived Christmas unhurt

As I was signing off the Internet for the night, Mr. Attitude came up to me in his pajamas, ready to go to bed. As he reached up to give me a hug, he accidentally poked a finger into my left eye. Ouch. The same thing has happened to me before, involving Starflower and the other eye. This time it hurts much more. So on my holiday I'm off to urgent care, with The Hermit driving.

More reasons to eat organic

This article, just posted online by Environmental Health Perspectives, describes a study in which levels of certain commonly used organophosphate pesticides dropped significantly in urine samples from children who switched to a mostly organic diet for just five days.

Of course, the big chemical companies will counter with "but those children were perfectly healthy even when they ate a pesticide-laden diet, weren't they?"

I'm not so sure. With all the immune-related illnesses these days, and the hundreds of thousands of chemicals we are bombarded with which make it virtually impossible to prove cause-and-effect, I'll err on the side of caution. Last night it was broccoli and potatoes from the garden.

This week, around here

The last few days my husband has been flattened by some unknown, flu-like bug. So yesterday he went to the doctor, and the diagnosis is Ehrlichiosis (don't quote me on the spelling), the "other" disease humans can get from deer ticks around here. My daughter and I went through Lyme disease last year, and as far as I know we are cured, but this is a new thing. Hope it will go away soon, with help from antibiotics. I'm telling him it's God's revenge for complaining about the weather, to be bedridden on a beautiful day like this.

I did some gardening this morning. Some unknown creature ate the tops off all of my orach plants, while ignoring the abundant lettuce, spinach, arugula, tatsoi, and mizuna in the same raised bed. Definite preference for purplish plants there! I pulled all of the arugula, tatsoi and mizuna plants, which were bolting. I'll maybe plant some carrots there; my first planting didn't seem to take too well. Or I'll plant some more spinach, which my kids all love. Strange, isn't it...they all love broccoli too.

I think I saw a Veery today, for the first time. Their song permeates the air around here, but they are very hard to see. I heard one of their calls, which sounds somewhat like a part of the song of the cardinal, and I saw a thrush like bird where the call was originating from.

I'm not feeling much like writing now, so maybe a bigger update tomorrow.