herbal tip of the day

So Mr. Attitude had a little meltdown yesterday morning. Actually I should say Mr. Attitude and I, because when all was said and done I was worn out and feeling like the most incompetent parent ever. It began over his tendency to be overly dramatic when he is losing at a video game. I reminded him to keep his voice down. He argued that I never yell at Calvin when Calvin overreacts to video games. Right then and there I should have realized it was a lose-lose situation. But I yelled too much, tried to reason too much, and probably only ended up escalating the situation.

Chamomile tea is known for its calming effects. I have given it to Mr. Attitude on one occasion, with impressive results. However, he is not particularly fond of drinking tea (what almost 8 year old boy is?). So try and make him drink tea, even if it is liberally sweetened with honey, when he is already in an agitated state...it turned into another power struggle in itself. I should have spiked the cup with vodka and drunk it myself; we both would have been happier.

It eventually was resolved, as these things are, and he is back to loving me in his alarmingly Oedipus way. But today I related my story in a comment on Madcap's blog, and she suggested maybe I should have used a "topical" application (with the wink smilie). Maybe it was too early, I was clueless, until a commenter from Scotland translated it into terms I could relate to:

"Chuck the tea on the wee bugger's head!"

Ha! That almost sounds like a line from one of those Irish tunes I've been playing on flute lately!

So, the lesson learned is: Chamomile tea is calming and relaxing. Especially when administered topically with excessive force! ;)

A philosophical discussion with Mr. Attitude

Reposted from Facebook, for all you technophobes out there who think dial phones are still the standard of communication. ;) I still believe there is room for both Blogger and Facebook. Obviously the proprietor of The Ethereal Garage doesn't think so. Too bad for everyone. ;)

Son#2: Mom, what is real?

Me, getting philosophical: The present moment. The past is memory, the future is uncertain.

Son#2: So if I hit you in the head, a moment later it wouldn't be real?

Me: resolving to never have philosophical discussions with a kid whom even his piano teacher calls "Mr. Attitude." :)

ubiquitous attitude

Starflower informed me today that her and Mr. Attitude's piano teacher, the school band director, has, independent of any knowledge of this blog, dubbed him "Mr. Attitude!"

woodpeckers know no boundaries

fun on a freezing day

Just for fun, go to Google and type in "Minnesotans for". You don't have to type anything else. The top search match that shows up in the drop down list is...

"Minnesotans for Global Warming"

For more fun, Google "if we had some global warming" and watch the YouTube video that shows up. I'm too lazy to embed it here, but it is hilarious.

I'm all for it. The temp got down to 20 below zero last night. Even when winters were more "normal" back when I was a kid, I don't remember it being that cold in March.

pffffftt!

Humans, ur doin it rong.

Just when you thought the Palin jokes were subsiding

This is no joke, but it's HILARIOUS. I love how the turkey cone is positioned right next to Palin's face. And watch the guy in the background!



It brings to mind this famous scene from "WKRP in Cincinnati"


Happy Friday!

A parent teacher conference I'll remember...(warning, funny kid story ahead)

Leave it to my youngest to convince the kindergarten teacher that maybe it's time to retire.

We went over all the progress in reading and math, and Mr. Attitude is passing kindergarten with flying colors. I'm so proud of him, proud of all my children really.

So then the conversation drifts to other things. Mr. Attitude starts telling his teacher about our pet rabbits. We have Brownie, and Cocoa, and Cedar. And...We thought Cedar was a girl, but she likes to hump the other bunnies...

I could see Calvin off to the side giving the NO! NO! signal, but Mr. Attitude went on about bunny parts and all that, and bunnies humping...all the while my face turning forty shades of red.

His teacher just laughed and said, "Now there's a story you can tell at his graduation!"

the fabulous flying pistachio

Or, why I am next in line to be certified crazy during this Minnesota winter. :)

There was a wonderful moment at work today, totally unplanned which made it all the more funny. Background info: I work in a small office room that holds four of us during the worst times. At least we have a few dividers; from my vantage point I can totally ignore the boss when he comes in to tell outrageous stories like Hap Shaughnessy from Red Green.

Anyway, today I was finishing off my day's ration of pistachio nuts at about 3:00. I have been enjoying them as a snack, no sugar and lots of micronutrients! I came to the last nut, which was in a shell that hadn't fully opened...

I panicked for a while. How would I get this nut open? I mean, once you eat one pistachio you gotta have another, and so on, so this was really a crisis. ;)

Finally I came up with a brilliant plan. I would crush the offending nut with a pair of scissors I had in my desk. I strongly gripped the nut in the scissors.

What happened then could not have been planned more perfectly.

The nut somehow slipped the grip of scissors. The scissors were arbitrarily pointed in the direction of a coworker's desk, one I had never given the thought to of perhaps hitting with a pistachio nut in the near future. AS IF....I had ever thought of using pistachio nuts as a weapon!

So... the wayward pistachio went hurtling through the air, over a bookcase. A split second later, it landed, with a "ping" against the Microfiche reader my coworker was using to age fish scales (yes, how archaic) and into a Petri dish he was using to hold water to wet the scales.

"What the...is THAT?" he remarked.

I was already doubled over and in tears from laughter.

Now, you have to understand, John, my coworker, is the king of ironic, cynical humor. (And he is a diehard Packers fan, so he is understandably going through a period of mourning.) Nevertheless, he managed to mention that perhaps we should fill out a "near miss" accident form, so the regional safety committee could take up the issue of flying pistachio nuts. He thought he could have been blinded, or even killed by a pistachio to the right spot on the temple.

*snort* *chortle* HAHAHA!

I could not have aimed that pistachio better if I had tried. And I laughed about it all the way home. :)

Oh well, laughter is good medicine, and I have been needing it lately.

Christmas quote of the day

Mr. Attitude: Hey Mom, could you help me out with this Transformer?

Me: I'd love to, but I'm really Mommed out for the night. (hours of wrestling with plastic, wires, computer software, and winter driving)

Mr. Attitude: Okay; Hey Mommed Out For the Night, will you please help me?

Me: :) You bet.

The latest "Attitude-ism"

Mr. Attitude has been watching episodes of "Rawhide" and Clint Eastwood movies with The Hermit lately. So, with that setup, it should come as no surprise that his latest line is:

"Did someone say .45?"

At which time he brandishes his toy pistol, if available.

At Gander Mountain, the big chain sporting goods store, he walked up to the gun counter and said:

I need to see a 45. Come on, I don't got all day!

That's my son.

Deb's diet secrets--revealed

Remember on Friday I posted about how my jeans were suddenly fitting more loosely?

Simple explanation: They were a pair of The Hermit's jeans, which look very similar; I had mixed ours up sorting the laundry.

Which also explains why my jeans felt tighter Monday morning. At least now I know I didn't suddenly gain a few pounds over the weekend.

I think I'll just wear his pants from now on!

Oh well. I'm enjoying a laugh at my own expense. :)

Calvin's plans

One of Calvin's favorite pastimes is drawing up elaborate plans for projects. He has made detailed diagrams of what his new room will look like, down to the ten deadbolt locks on the door to keep out sisters and little brothers. He has designed tree houses with all of the comforts, including a couch, refrigerator and satellite TV.

With the seasons turning, his thoughts are turning to snow warfare. I found the following descriptions by the computer printer yesterday when I came home:

Snow fort: The snow fort is made of one-foot solid ice for protection, and on the inside soft snow. It has a small door and a capacity of six people. It also has a crate to store snowballs.

Snow catapult: the snow catapult has a capacity of two gallons of snow. It is made of pulleys, rope, and wood.

Snowball launcher: The snowball launcher has a capacity of 1/2 of a gallon of snow. It is made of insulated elastic. It can throw snowballs at 100 m.p.h. and it hits whatever you aim at.

Drift dropper: The drift dropper has a capacity of 20 gallons of snow. It is able to increase hypothermia chances.

Snow crossbow: The snow crossbow is portable, with only weighing one pound. It can shoot a snowball at 100 m.p.h. and has a capacity of one pint of snow.

So if you're planning a visit to Sand Creek this winter, consider yourself warned!

Band names

In reading over some of my recent posts, I've noticed certain phrases that would make good names for the eclectic folk acoustic bluegrass Newgrass kickass Celtic Scandinavian roots band I dream of playing in some day. For example:

Persistent Timberdoodles
Sapsucker Moon
Technicolor Warblers
Hermit Party
Seize the Carp
Rogue Woodpeckers
Early Sturgeon

Okay, in case you're looking, the last one isn't from this blog, it's work-related.

Baboon suits

Wouldn't it be fun to make a set of baboon suits for the entire family? I mean, with the blue and white faces and really, really red butts. And we could wear them to the next family gathering, or to Wal Mart...now THAT would be hilarious!!!