Surreal

Friday morning I woke to 15 inches of new snow. I have lived here for eleven winters now, and I have never seen a single snowstorm like this. Oh wait...this isn't winter anymore. This is April. Last year at this time I was spending my work days riding around in boats on open water.

School was canceled, and there was no way my Ford Focus was going to make it out the driveway or our back road, which didn't get plowed until late in the afternoon. So I emailed the office, saying I would not be in, and settled down to a cup of coffee and checking the news online...something about a manhunt in Boston

All day Friday had a surreal, dreamlike quality to it. I usually relish a day at home, but I had a hard time settling down to do anything. I was disoriented, not by the national news, but the mound of snow pressing against my back door, snow that had slid off the metal roof. After a long Minnesota winter, just when robins have arrived and normally I'd be hearing the frog chorus...the relentless snow, the woodpile buried and almost gone, how much more can one take? I'm beyond the trite complaining that has become a staple of Minnesota culture, the resolve of those who say they hate it here but somehow can never bring themselves to pick up and leave. I love it here; I have lived other places, and this is the only place I'll ever call home. But with the flood and the April snow all within the space of a year, the moose near the Canadian border dying off at an alarming rate, intense windstorms leveling forests just to the south of here, I get this uneasy feeling that this is the beginning of a long storm to come, a storm we humans have helped to create...I'll come back to that later.

While the Boston Marathon bombing was a horrible, malicious act, I have been disturbed by the media coverage surrounding it. Sure, the news outlets have a job to do, but it seems lately none of them have the grace to say "we don't know yet." Speculation, intimidation. And Twitter, so I can hear the latest unfounded speculation. And while yes, this was big, Boston is not the center of everyone's universe, and this was not a national crisis. That's just what a terrorist would want us to think.

What's more, it seems the media had this double standard of wanting to make us scared, yet highlighting acts of "bravery" that make us feel all warm and fuzzy about ourselves. Is it really news that people rushed to aid others rather than running away? Absolutely not; it's human nature! Is it surprising that we have not de-evolved into a society where it's every person for him/herself? I'm not surprised. And I bet people weren't "cowering in fear" all day Friday when the authorities ordered the city of Boston shut down. It was a wise thing to do from a public safety standpoint; the fewer vehicles out on the road in the event of a high speed chase, the better. Law enforcement did their job, and it is one of the toughest jobs in the world. I understand their elation at having brought an end to this drama, but it was not exactly an occasion for cheers and high fives. Save that for when the Bruins win the Stanley Cup.

My point, and I do have one, is this: Why, when people are hurt and a threat by "terrorists" to our security is perceived, does it result in such drama, but when injury is perpetrated on our home, our habitat, our environment, in the name of profit for a few, do we turn away, or justify it, or maybe take a little feel good, symbolic action? This happens every day, and our society has marginalized those who can see the damage as "environmental wackos". This planet is our one and only chance to prove we can sustain ourselves; we ain't going to start a colony on Mars to save the damage we've caused here. It's a grand experiment, and so far it's been bought out by short sightedness and greed. We can do better. Maybe.

I for one could do with a little less global warming. These April blizzards and historic floods are really getting to me.

Birds, cats, science, emotion, and compassion

If you follow any news media online, chances are you have read about a study that came out this week, estimating the numbers of birds and mammals that are killed by domestic cats (pets and feral) each year. And, even from respectable, restrained news outlets such as NPR, this story was accompanied by sensationalist headlines, such as "That cute kitty is a killer!" Well, duh. Anyone who is familiar with cats, or has watched an episode of "Tom and Jerry", knows that cats have a desire to kill small animals. That's why humans found cats useful, long before the advent of the Internet and cat videos.

A disclaimer: I am an avid bird watcher, and I have cats. Three indoor cats, to be exact, and three cats that hang around my house outdoors, the remnants of a once larger "cat colony" that showed up uninvited here the summer after we moved in, nine years ago, in the body of a promiscuous female I called "Evil Calico". The bird loving me and the cat loving me had intense internal struggles about how to handle the outdoor cat population; bringing excess cats to a shelter was not an option around here, and although we have a .22 rifle, I never felt right about the killing solution. As it turned out, the number of cats eventually dropped to two females, one male, and a kitten has not survived to maturity in two years. This "cat herd" did provide my Best Cat Ever, though:

Anyway, back to cats killing birds. The news releases about the study provoked the usual response: bird watchers shared it on social media, and my local birding listserv lit up with posts from birders getting in their two cents' worth about "irresponsible cat owners", "this is astonishing", etc. I, being the scientifically trained skeptic I am, wondered if there was more to the story than the sound bites and headlines. Something about a study that could provoke such rancor did not seem objective and scientific to me.

I read the published paper, which can be found at no cost here. Since I seem to have left that part of my brain that deals with methodology and statistics behind as soon as I defended my Master's thesis, I was glad that another source, Vox Felina, did a thoughtful job of critiquing the methodology and conclusions.

Now, I think we can find some points that cat people and bird people can agree upon. And, I think the media did a disservice to both groups by portraying each as single minded fanatics. One, cats, if left to roam, will kill what they can. Sometimes they won't even eat it. (Humans have this same disgraceful habit) Two, there are specific areas, such as islands, where predation by cats, whether pet or feral, has contributed to the decline, and even extinction, of some species. For these areas, a recovery plan, if feasible, should definitely address the harm done by cats.

HOWEVER...
...a study that gives numbers without context is meaningless. Do we have population estimates of the bird population in the US? As a fish biologist, I know how difficult it is to get an accurate estimate of the population of fish in a small lake.
...a study that gives numbers without any estimates of what species are killed, and in what proportion to the total, is meaningless.
...The issue of mortality is hard to convey to a public who does not have a basic understanding of animal population dynamics. A certain number of any species will succumb to mortality, without affecting the overall population. Certain species that are adapted to the urban environment may occur in higher numbers than what would be expected in nature, and may also be preyed upon by urban cats.

And then we have conflicting issues of compassion. The drive of compassion in humans is undeniable; it is what keeps us civilized, it is what gives us hope. One side has compassion for the prey, the poor vulnerable victims of a predator brought upon all corners of the earth by humans. One side has compassion for the cats; it is not their fault they are here, and that they have an urge to kill (a Sylvester and Tweety cartoon comes to mind, in which Sylvester attends a twelve step program for his "addiction"). Cold, hard science tends to disregard compassion. In my career I have seen, on one hand, ridicule for people who bring "nongame" species in (i.e. songbirds) for rehabilitation; on the other, I have seen many people who choose wildlife management as a career who think the only good cat is a dead cat.

Can we find common ground? I think the media hype surrounding the "study" that came out this week only serves to divide people. As is the case with most stories that qualify as "news" these days.

UPDATE: Apparently I am not alone in thinking this way. NPR blogger Barbara J. King questioned the statistical validity of the study,  as well as its usefulness:

Demonizing cats with shaky statistics, however, won't help us build the pillar of understanding required to strike a satisfying balance between the needs of cats and their supporters with the needs of wildlife facing a feline threat.

There is a (mostly) thoughtful discussion in the comments section of King's blog post.

Weather and politics are making me surly...

Another Monday at home. While I rather enjoyed the first couple weeks of the MN state government shutdown, I am getting a little antsy about my extended vacation. I can apply to get my first unemployment check this week, but if there is a budget agreement this week and it includes back pay to July 1st, I would just have to pay it back. So I'll wait another day or so...

It's not the money that's bothering me. I'm saving about $50 a week on gas, cutting back on household expenses, and making do with back pay and The Hermit's income. And while I basically like my job, I am not going stir crazy being away from it and my coworkers. I try to not let my job define my life. And if there is one thing this vacation period has shown me, I have a life outside of my job that is much more meaningful than earning a paycheck.

What bothers me is that, while Governor Mark Dayton pulled what I think was an incredibly savvy move and agreed last Thursday to the Republican legislative majority's budget plan, MINUS a few social agenda issues that I do not think should ever be part of a budget bill, the legislators have continued with business as usual, bickering, dragging their feet, and complaining about the legislation THEIR party drafted. They are basically holding 22,000 state employees hostage, not to mention those that depend on suspended services. Dayton will not call a special session to end the budget stalemate until all the ducks are in a row so to speak, which I think is wise governing, because with the pathetic toddlers we have in office, a special session without said ducks in a row could turn ugly. So I may return to work later this week. Or not. I never thought it could come to this.

By the way, my state senator and representative are both Democrats, very much involved in the community and good examples of responsible elected officials. I was in a school/community musical last fall with the wife of Senator Tony Lourey, their three children, and the granddaughter of Representative Bill Hilty. I am proud to know them and to have voted for them. I am glad that they are not part of the party that created this fiasco.

So here I sit at home. It's better, however, than being out working in chest waders on a lake this week. The whole state of Minnesota is experiencing a high pressure system producing heat and humidity that has not been seen in years. It is 91 degrees here now, with humidity off the charts. This is expected to last throughout this week. I have complained about frost in July before; this is just another turn of Minnesota weather. We even have an air conditioner now. I have never thought one would be of much use here, maybe one or two days a year. However, my stepson Ryan happened to have one that would not fit any of his windows, so he loaned it to us. It would not fit any windows in the house, so we put it in the cabin. It is a mixed blessing. It provides a thermal refuge, but it makes it that much harder to go outside or to the house and face the reality of summer. Summer here is so short anyway, I won't complain, but I can't even play my mandolin because of the humidity!

So I'll end on this note: When the going gets tough, the tough get Surly. Surly beer, that is. Perhaps the only good thing that came out of this year's MN legislative session was a bill that allowed this successful MN microbrew to sell their own beer at a proposed brewery/restaurant. Imagine that! That such a proposal had any opponents is living proof that we have not reached the age of political enlightenment. Yet. Until then, I'll sit back, enjoy the show, and sip a Surly CynicAle. Perfect. Or maybe I should just forget state work and apply for a job at Surly. :)

national day of...

warning...semi rant ahead...

First of all, I will make myself clear. If you spent today in prayer, alone or in the community of others, I respect that. And in the U.S. and a lot of other nations, we are fortunate to live where the act of prayer is allowed, even encouraged, and not driven underground.

That said, I do not feel it is the business of our government to go about promoting prayer. As much as I feel it is not the business of our government to promote meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, reading "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books, dancing naked around a bonfire, or any other practice that suggests spirituality.

I am not a praying person. I always felt strange petitioning some father figure Up There, who already was supposed to know my needs and have some Divine Plan for me, with my own needs and wants of the day. I learned at an early age that we do not always get what we pray for. So why pray? But if it brings you peace, that is good.

I would rather see a "National Day of Reconciliation". "National Day of Talking To Your Neighbors". "National Day Where Hate Is Forbidden". "National Day of Tearing Down Walls". Prayer is easy. Action, not so much.

You may say I'm a dreamer... but am I the only one?

what a few stitches cost

Did you know a trip to the emergency room for stitches costs 700 dollars?

I got the bill for Starflower's recent incident the other day, and it nearly blew my mind. I knew we were talking at least a couple hundred bucks, but wow.

I was grateful for the bottom line: "Expected insurance coverage = 100%", although I knew better. We have not met our deductible for the year, so we will have to pay about $150. Still, I am more fortunate than a lot of folks in that my job provides health insurance.

While I think a lot needs to be done in the way of cost containment, personal responsibility, and defining why it is that people need to be on so many prescription medications anyway, I am glad this nation has finally taken a big step towards providing affordable health care for most, and guaranteeing that those who need it most will not lose it. After all, stitches happen, despite our best efforts at prevention. Although maybe next time I'll do them myself! (Taking them out myself saved us/insurance at least a $120 doctor visit.)

politics not getting in the way of life

I had a big political rant planned. In a nutshell, I'm tired of single-issue voters, or those who will allow a campaign sign in their yard for a candidate they approve just because of party affiliation. Or a single issue. Or whatever. We have a practically non-existent race here in the 8th Congressional District of Minnesota, and the one who seeks to unseat the incumbent just has not proven to me that he is even remotely qualified to represent all of northern Minnesota. Just look at his political vision, if any, here.

Yet, I have seen signs for this candidate widely distributed in this area. In front of abandoned farmsteads and soccer fields, for one. If I were a soccer mom, I would be outraged. But when a sign for this candidate is posted in front of a residence, I can't help but wonder why the resident agreed to the implied endorsement. I have three political signs in front of my home, visible to the perhaps twenty vehicles that pass by our road daily. We chose them carefully, not just because some party rep came around and asked if they could post signs in our yard. I thought about the candidates or issues I was endorsing. I wonder if anyone with a sign for the Republican candidate for 8th Congressional District of MN looked any further than "Pro-life. Anti-gay, Pro-2nd Amendment rights."

Also, would a candidate of this caliber adequately represent those of us in his constituency whose views maybe opposed his? I don't know. I don't know this about any candidate who runs on one or two issues and claims to have strong beliefs.

Okay, I maybe got my political rant in regardless. Anyway, today I saw three eagles perched in a tree near a hayfield where I have recently seen many sandhill cranes. And I went out of my way to see snow buntings, which The Hermit called me earlier to report had arrived. I was rewarded by seeing one flock.

At home, we had a good crop of winterberries this year.
The tamaracks are a lovely gold.
We have horses again. This is Shiloh.

And, here is our future egg supply.

I tried to get the pictures to post big, like I usually do, but it isn't working tonight.

Peace.

Oh, speaking of peace, someone in the vicinity of where I work decided that my "War is not the answer" bumper sticker, which reflects my hard-to-categorize religious beliefs, was somewhat offensive enough to black out the "not" with a piece of electrical tape. Unfortunately, I suspect first one or more of my coworkers, but it could also have been one of the school bus drivers in the town where my office is located; we share a building. While harmless shenanigans are the norm where I work, I find it reprehensible that someone would go so far as to interfere with my free speech. Peace, indeed.

Okay, so politics are getting in the way of life. Dang it.

Peace, again. And while I'm on a tangent, I saw a beautifully kept 1971 Volkswagen Bus at the laundromat today. I was so intrigued by it, my normally shy self pulled into the laundromat and asked the guy who was sitting outside if that was his Bus. He said yes, and I said it was beautiful. We used to have one like that. Long story. It made my day to see such a well kept relic of the 1970's.

not around to blog much lately

I apologize that I have not been keeping up with posting, or replying to comments, or leaving comments on the blogs I read often. I have unexpectedly been more or less the leader on a very challenging project at work lately, which has stretched out to nearly two weeks of work, and I have been pretty exhausted when I come home at night. Not that driving a boat around is that bad, but I guess it's that I'm too much of a perfectionist, or that I have years' more experience and do so much better at whatever job I'm called to do that I can't stand the gross incompetence of coworkers, or their second-guessing MY knowledgeable decisions. Or maybe I just don't like pulling dead fish out of nets and wrestling 20 pound snapping turtles any more. 'Nuff said. It will all be over on Thursday, and I plan to drink a beer or two to that. :)

And, my body has been recuperating from a longer-than-ever run Sunday morning, followed by seven hours of nailing pine flooring. Everything hurts now. But the floor looks nice. Pictures to follow soon.

Lyme rant

Why do medical practitioners rely on notoriously unreliable tests to diagnose Lyme disease, instead of considering clinical presentation?

And why will they give out statin drugs like candy to "treat" high cholesterol, which is not even a disease, but yet someone like me with obvious symptoms of Lyme, a disease with potential for continued degradation of quality of life, among other things, who does not pass the unreliable tests, is refused any kind of treatment?

I am 41 years old. My joint pain came on suddenly a month ago, and was exactly like when I was diagnosed the first time. My left knee has been throbbing all week. You can't tell me it's just osteoarthritis, my joints "wearing out". But that's what my PA seems to think. Or is told what to think, what to diagnose. Of course, we wouldn't want to give out antibiotics willy nilly to someone who might need them, because it might cause resistant strains, meantime we're treating nearly our whole damn animal food supply with them, prophylactically. It's not an insurance cost issue either. I know a course of Doxycycline doesn't even meet my drug copay, so it's all out of pocket.

Why don't they want Lyme patients to be acknowledged, and to be treated?

I think I may have a battle ahead of me.

health insurance rant

I get pretty good health insurance from my employer, so I can't complain too much. We had no copay or deductibles when I started, but things have changed and that's the state of things these days; I don't expect too much, and am grateful for what I have.

Until they started trying to overcharge me for deductibles. I noticed late last year I was getting billed for deductibles that just didn't seem right. My supposed family deductible for the year was $200, and I found out I had been charged nearly twice that.

I put a call into Customer Disservice about two months ago, and the rep said she would look into it. I was sent an undecipherable log of claims and payments, which never once mentioned what my yearly deductible was.

Today I tried the messaging approach. I'm much better in email than I am on the phone. The first message I sent basically stated that, according to all the records I had access to online, I had been overcharged by nearly 100% for deductibles in 2007. The reply I received was:

"Your deductible for the year 2007 was $560.00. We sent you documents that showed you had not met that deductible."

Okay, I was starting to get irritated. The documents NEVER ONCE stated what my yearly deductible was! To cover my ass, I retrieved all the info I could online, which showed that no family member had received care at a clinic above cost level 2 in 2007, and that our family deductible was indeed $200, it said so right there on the Web site. Then I sent another message stating the facts.

I got a message later, saying they had "requested a resume" and if something was in error, I would be notified. I think in insurance language this means "unless you keep after us, this is not an issue."

And I know the argument they are trying to get by with. I had a stepson covered in 2006 at a clinic at a different level. They are trying to say that if he was covered even for a brief part of 2007, we would have to pay the higher deductible. But my policy clearly states that "the amount of the deductible will be determined by the highest cost level in which a family member incurs expenses"...Ahem...He did not incur expenses in 2007. Ever.

$200 is a lot of money to me and my family. I will certainly keep up with this, and I am getting annoyed at are what the insurance company's obvious efforts to tell me that I am wrong, they are right.

Time away...

I just spent over 24 hours away from my family and my blog. I was about 90 miles away attending our biannual regional Fisheries work meeting, which turned out to be more interesting than my name for it suggests. We had a good mix of area office and hatchery updates, which was interesting considering two of the three hatcheries in our region sustained considerable damage from the August floods in southeastern Minnesota. And we had some very good research updates and invited speakers. My favorite was Paul Wotzka, a former hydrologist for the Minnesota Department of Agriculture, who was fired for testifying to the state Legislature about the dangers of atrazine, a commonly used and very profitable pesticide. For background info on the dangers of atrazine, please visit Tyrone Hayes' Web site. Think cancer, endocrine disruption, et cetera.

I am concerned about atrazine on a local level. Wotzka spoke about how quickly chemicals reached the groundwater in areas of karst topography. We have a slightly different kind of karst topography here, sandstone replacing limestone, but still the fast movement of rainfall into groundwater has been demonstrated. Not to mention the fact that atrazine occurs in rainfall, and has been found in Lake Harriet, a very urban water far from any corn fields. I don't live in a very agricultural area, but I did notice many more acres planted in corn this year. And does the atrazine rainfall reach me?

In Minnesota, we are experiencing an ethanol boom. Farmers are growing corn for higher prices, and ethanol plants are springing up everywhere under the (ahem. misguided.) promise that ethanol will solve our nation's dependence on foreign oil. So, since the year 2000, the number of acres treated with atrazine has steadily grown, farmers are taking acreage out of conservation programs like CRP to grow a suddenly profitable crop, while all the evidence shows that the production of ethanol shows little to no net gain in energy, not to mention soil erosion and pesticides getting into the water we drink.

I could go on and on about this. I think the rush towards ethanol is wrong on so many levels. Where does "doing with less" fit into the picture? All of the ATV's, snowmobiles, and overpowered boats are a luxury use of fuel that should be scrutinized.

I also roomed with Jean, my office secretary and the Best Office Professional In the World!, and maker of the best baked goodies (except for Dave our regional Project Administrator who makes a killer carrot cake!). I found out that she and I probably have a lot more in common than I ever thought. I just need to work on the State Fair award winning jams, jellies, and pickles part. :) Anyway, she is a real sweetheart, really knows how to enjoy life, and I hope she never retires! :)

But, I am glad to be home, humble as it is.

"Glocavore"...now there's something to ponder!

Penelopedia has posted about an issue I have spent some time considering...local eating. Now, I'm all for procuring local foods, IF they can be sustainably produced within a reasonable distance. But, as the article quoted by Penelopedia suggests (although a bit "in-your-face-edly"), sometimes we just CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT WE WANT locally. I mean, here in northern Minnesota the Ojibwe lived off venison and wild rice and blueberries and a few other plants we modern civilizationalists would not care to make into food. The influx of European immigrants brought a few other food choices. But, admit it, we are not exactly a food basket here, are we?

But the "Glocavore" movement (if it is one) suggests that we support certain products that simply cannot be produced locally. So we can't grow olives here in Minnesota. Fine, we'll support growers in California who can. Ditto for almonds, rice, etc. I can agree with that. Specialty farmers get decent prices for their crops, we get olive oil in Minnesota, it's a win-win deal. I hate to say it, but I almost can't grow tomatoes here, although I keep trying. :)

I admit it, the "locavore" thing has always been problematic for me as a blogger. I support it, I have a freezer full of local (<20 miles) grass fed beef, but to me it isn't the answer. There are some foods that cannot be grown locally, but could provide significant income to someone who could. I'm not talking about shipping lettuce to Minnesota in June when we could supply our own very well. I'm talking about almonds, oranges, artichokes, lemons, grapes...anything that cannot be grown in a specific climate, but would be missed in our cuisine. Especially anything that makes a statement against processed foods.

I always feel like, among the blogging community, locavorism is a status thing. A "feel good" thing. A "hooray for me" thing. And that has kept me from expressing my doubts about it, in the past. I was afraid of alienating any blogging "friends" who did not share my views. But now I don't care. I've grown older, and wiser!

Sand Creek's trout are in danger

I'm not normally given to sensational titles, but I don't believe I'm exaggerating one bit on this one.

It all started yesterday afternoon when we were baking chocolate chip cookies. It turns out I was out of baking soda. I called one neighbor; not home. I called another, and they were home and had some baking soda I could use. They live on the road to the north, just east of the creek, less than a mile as the crow flies. As I was driving there, this is what I saw:



Six shiny new culverts, and a backhoe. Uh-oh.

The neighbor informed me that the highway department was planning to replace the culverts on Monday. He looked baffled when I said "They're not supposed to be doing that this time of year!"

Now, I'm not against road improvement projects when they are necessary, AS LONG AS the county takes proper steps to protect wildlife and water resources in the process. I don't want to stand in the way of someone just doing their job. BUT, OCTOBER IS THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME TO REPLACE CULVERTS ON A BROOK TROUT STREAM!!! It's their spawning time, and any digging in the stream bed WILL cause sediment to be washed downstream, destroying any eggs that have been laid in the round gravel bottom nests called redds. One culvert would be bad enough, but SIX of them, several in a small feeder tributary, will in effect destroy that area for spawning. The brook trout population in this part of the stream has at most two or three year classes; one missed year class could significantly reduce the population, if not wiping it out altogether. The culverts could also impact upstream areas; if they are not placed at the proper height, water could be impounded; brook trout do not thrive in stagnant water.

If that ain't enough, stream flows are very high after recent rains. I'd like to know how they plan to pull a culvert without washing out the entire road and having to haul in more fill. It would have been a perfect time to do this project earlier in the summer, when flows were low and trout weren't spawning.

I've left messages with the conservation officer, the area fisheries manager (my supervisor), and the area hydrologist. If all else fails...maybe a little activism, Monkey Wrench style???

I'm mad enough to do it, but I have so much at stake...

orphan girl

Warning... way personal, family truth stuff here (and it's boring, believe me)

Today, October 1st, is my one and only brother's 43rd birthday. I would call him, as he usually does on my birthday, but I really don't know how to contact him. He's in Singapore, on his third deployment there from his employer. I didn't get any contact info from him before he left; apparently it was not on his list of priorities. I called my sister in law tonight and left a message, trying to get a phone number or an email or something, but I would be amazed if she called back. We're THAT close. (Sarcasm noted?) UPDATE- she passed the message along to him. All is well.

My mother passed away almost two years ago from cancer. (Has it been that long?) My mom was my main contact with the family, although we were never as close as I would have liked to have been. My dad, bless his heart, has all the social skills of Rain Man, with whom I think he shares some neurological similarities. He can't handle our family visiting for more than an hour or so. If that.On my mom's side, I have my 88 year old grandma, who still thinks I'm in first grade or so. And that no emotions but happiness should ever be shown. And my mom's brothers, who I'm not really close to. Which is hard, because my mom's brother John now owns my grandparents' lake place, where I practically grew up on weekends. Part of my soul lives there. I have been there once this summer. Just once. I feel like part of me belongs at the place, owns the place, and they invite me once a year. I could be closer to my uncle LeRoy, who went to the college I went to and was almost a hippie; he joined the Peace Corps after graduation in 1972 and served in South America. He lived with our family for about a year after he came back. Now he drives a new Mercedes every year. Go figure.

On my dad's side, I have an aunt in the Washington DC area, an uncle in the Bronx, and a couple second cousins in the Twin Cities and Arizona who I haven't talked to for years. And a couple first cousins I've hardly ever met.

Old high school friends? The two I had, we lost touch years ago. I really don't think I have anything in common with the suburban masses I graduated with, anyway.

College friends? I was too damn weird, to uncommitted to any one social group. Outsider. I finally started making friends in graduate school, but it was too late.

What I'm saying is, I really wish I had a family. You know how many calls we get per week from friends or family? Zero, except for the calls from The Hermit's old duck hunting buddy. And I wish I had friends. You're it. My blogging buddies. I love every one of you. Hope I'm not putting too much pressure on you that way.

So this is my pathetic life, revealed. Ah well, I think maybe sometimes I'm all the better for being a nature hermit. Sometimes nature is the best company. Sigh.

*****this post has now been edited, out of respect for certain family members who might check in here...to see what the news is from my neck of the woods. :)

venting

Tell me why I thought it would be no problem to take Mr. Attitude to the doctor's office for his vaccinations, which he needed by the 24th, or a philosophical objection, to be admitted to kindergarten.

In retrospect, it would have been a lot easier to get the objection notarized and be done with it. That's what I did with Starflower. And I do have one friend whose daughter died of reactions to vaccines, so vaccination is a careful choice around here.

But this is not about the choice. This is about, WHY CAN'T MY KIDS BE NORMAL ONCE IN A WHILE?

After I picked them up from school (Starflower and Attitude; Calvin took the bus) we had about 45 minutes to kill before the appointment. So, I thought, why don't we go down to Robinson Park along the river and do a short hike? I always wanted to see how far the trail went along the river, and I heard there was a bat cave somewhere in the vicinity. So off we went. We made it to what must be the end of the trail, and what looked at the surface to be the entrance to a pretty darn big bat cave. Since I personally don't like bats, and we had to get to the clinic on time, I discouraged Starflower and Mr. Attitude from further investigation. But, oh for cool. I like rock outcrops, and a CAVE! wow.

So off to the clinic we went, where we were informed that one doctor had been called out for a birth (totally forgivable) so they were running late. However, Mr. Attitude and waiting rooms do not get along well. He played with the toys they had for a while, but he was more interested in the public phone, and trying to turn off the lights to the room. I kept my temper in check.

We were finally called in to an examining room, where I was reminded why it is inadvisable to bring more than one offspring into such situations. They had raided the rubber gloves, and were filling them at the sink, when I drew the line.

I was just trying to get Mr. Attitude to sit still. I was just maybe falsely expecting some kind of reasonable behavior. I warned him three times. But all hell broke loose when I snapped and said "Okay. We will NOT go for ice cream on the way home! You had been warned!"

So I was left holding a hopelessly out of control five year old who was crying for ice cream, while in turn the nurse came in and did her thing, and then the doctor came in and tried to ask me all the standard questions, which I could barely hear over the screaming. Then came the shots. I would have liked to ask a few more questions about why these things were necessary, but I cannot carry a conversation when my kid is screaming his lungs off.

Then, as we were leaving, I realized the nurse had not given me the very vaccination form I had come to get completed, so my son could stay in kindergarten. I went back into the examining room halls, but everyone had disappeared. I was in tears at that point. Oh well, I will tell them to forward all the necessary info the the school. We had done our part.

Did I tell you Starflower, when the nurse was trying to check Mr. Attitude's blood pressure, was pumping on his elbow?

I did a good job. I kept my composure, although strangling my offspring certainly seemed like a possibility. Good thing we were in a semi public place.

okay, we need a garden update

Saturday was a good gardening day; it was sunny but a cool breeze from the northeast kept the temperature bearable. My goal was to plant out the remaining bundle of onion sets I'd had in the refrigerator for two weeks, and to finally get sugar snap peas and Swiss chard planted. I was also hoping to get a few more of the beds weeded and prepared for planting. I got the onions and a couple of beds done Saturday, with a few distractions, and did the sugar snap peas and a few more beds on Sunday.
While most of my garden weeds are the usual quack grass, lambs quarters and sorrel, I found that ferns are spreading their rhizomes through my garden beds and unfurling little fronds everywhere! I love ferns, and I appreciate the abundance of them here, some day I may even get around to identifying them all, BUT can't they just stay out of my garden? I removed probably twenty or more feet of fern rhizomes from one 4 x 8 bed. If I was the enterprising type I would have divided them and sold them for garden ornamentals! But I seem to lack that type of motivation.



My garlic is doing very well. I planted two whole beds of it this year, and I know we'll use all of it, although I'm hoping to save a few good bulbs for next year's crop.












I love the soft greens and reds in this lettuce mixture. It should be ready for harvest in a week or so.














And, we have potatoes.


















I'm sorry if this wide format blog layout looks really screwy. It's so hard to get text where you want it in the Blogger compose box, and I've noticed it lays out differently on different size screens, and on different browsers. I'm doing what I can, but I'm almost ready to switch to the usual Blogger narrow column template. UPDATE- Back to narrow format. It will make some posts look strange, but it is far easier for a semi computer literate like me to deal with.



Forget Blogger, I'm having a bad day to begin with. Our carpenter is turning out to be a real jerk. And, Mr. Attitude was complaining about a toothache last night, and when I looked today there were cavities the size of the Grand Canyon in two of his top molars. I feel like such a bad mom. And I dread going to the dentist, I want to find one who will guarantee they won't lecture me for being such a bad mom to let this happen. Not to mention both Calvin and Starflower have had major bike wipeouts this week, and I've been watching Starflower's wrist, wondering if I shouldn't have taken her in for an X ray. I don't think it's broken, and she says it's better today, but I'm no doctor. Please, no more this week. This is all this mom can handle!

can I indulge in some melancholy?

Yes, I'm feeling that way tonight. It was a beautiful day, springlike, perhaps convincing me that the second coming of spring was going to be the real thing. I saw a bluebird, and lots of kestrels.

But yet, there was this un-right feeling. Perhaps it was from taking Mr. Attitude to kindergarten roundup today, and finding a group of mostly apathetic parents. Who mostly looked under 25. I didn't make any spontaneous friends there. Sigh.

I like a lot of the teachers at the school, that is, until fourth grade. A kindergarten teacher, who had had Starflower in her class, remarked to me: "He's really sure of himself, isn't he!" Yep. That's my Attitude. But all I see is negativity from Calvin's fourth grade teacher. Punish him for his weaknesses, don't acknowledge his strengths. The "weaknesses", by the way, are a few late assignments. It makes me want to take him out of school altogether. I feel like I'm seeing his enthusiasm for school being drained, right before my eyes. Homeschool comes to mind, a lot. I am secretly hoping there are some fifth grade teachers who care. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure Starflower does not end up with this nattering nabob of negativity for a fourth grade teacher. My kids deserve better.

You know it's springtime in Minnesotarctica when...

• one day it's short sleeve weather, the next it's parka weather.
• the wind chill factor is still a factor in May.
• you find Canada geese turning around and heading south again when the ponds re-freeze.
• you never know from day to day if you can keep the beer chilled on the outside step, or have to put it in the fridge or a cooler, or bring it inside before it freezes.
• it's sunny and 25 degrees outside, but the sunlight is so strong it melts ice and snow.
• you see pictures of ice-covered crocuses in the newspaper. Really.
• you're almost ready to put the winter boots away, but you follow you gut instinct and leave them out. Later you're glad you trusted your inner polar bear.
• your coworkers set nets in the little open water on a lake to get the northern pike run, and end up chiseling them out of ice.
• roads are covered with snow, but the frost boils still hold pockets of unfrozen water.
• you take a chance and wash your car when the worst of mud season appears to be over, and it snows a foot the next day.

This second winter we're experiencing is a cruel, cruel joke.

cobweb clarification

I guess the cobwebs make me more cryptic in my writing than I should be at times, or maybe it's my inner editor telling me to be cautious about how much I say (which is probably a good thing). So now in the light of day, a retrospective.

We had fall parent teacher conferences last night, and while Calvin and Starflower are both excelling in classes, I can say I don't care for Calvin's teacher at all. She focuses on the negative, the "needs improvement" areas, which are few, without seeming to notice his strengths. She made it a point to tell us he was getting a B minus in science because he was "missing a few things" in his leaf collection project, one I helped him with and I know he went above and beyond to identify tree species (not required) and discuss them. He just didn't follow all the directions to the letter, in which case this should not be graded as a science project but as an exercise in conformity. She spent time discussing a few late math assignments, which happened a few weeks ago, saying that "if this continues his grades will suffer when he's in fifth grade". Ummm...he gets everything right on them, he tests well above grade level, he hasn't turned an assignment in late in weeks, what's the problem here?

She also told me he's a good reader, but he doesn't read enough. They really emphasize quantity over quality at this school; points are given for how many books are read. He has read abridged versions of Huckleberry Finn and Tom Sawyer, and enjoyed them so much he has talked about them for weeks and even acted out a few adventures. Yet he did so-so on the "comprehension" tests. I think perhaps the tests were not an accurate measure of his comprehension; we have had twenty minute discussions on the way to school about the history, culture and geography of those books. I tend to think Calvin thinks outside the box too much on tests, and I mentioned this to his teacher who replied "but he has to learn to do it the RIGHT way."

While Starflower's teacher was pleasant, Calvin's teacher's tone was cold and condescending. I could tell he was nervous around her, not wanting to interact, and that's not a good sign. The kicker was when she sent the kids out of the classroom so she could discuss something privately with us. She then brought up a sensitive issue, one I was totally unprepared to discuss, not a really bad thing, but her way of broaching the subject, with her condescending manner, put me on the defensive. I looked her in the eye with all the strength I could muster and said firmly, "I think this is something best dealt with at HOME." I then broke eye contact for the remainder of her lecture, gathered his papers and walked out.

In fact, I think her coldness and negativity are what brings on this "issue" with him. I'm seriously considering pulling him from her class, although he would still have her for some subjects, which would not be a good situation. Maybe even home or online schooling. He has so much potential, I will not have his spirit broken by a teacher who sees only what needs improvement. I know I suffered under elementary teachers in the seventies who apparently were taught to have all the warmth and approachability of a glacier.

So there you have it, not the entire tangled mess of cobwebs, but one of the key strands.

cobwebs

Ever notice how the cobwebs keep you from writing a coherent post?

And, does it ever stop me? (Please, be gentle...)

I've had the cobwebs the last couple of days. It's either related to the full moon, or the female cycle, imbalances, or a little bit of all. I can't even sign my name on a check today, darn it. But tomorrow is payday, they should be good.

Really, I have days when I would rather not talk to people because it seems I cannot open my mouth without sounding like a blathering idiot! Names, facts, figures...it's all a blur.

It doesn't help when the cobwebs are exacerbated by a couple of sources. One of them, parent teacher conferences...I stared one teacher down, left without any pleasantries. I'll write her a note when I feel more coherent, but even then it won't be too nice. But I was distracted by other sources...

And, well, I have other cobwebs that must be cleaned out. Indifference, inactivity and all that...and indignation...oh well, I'm off with my dust mop...

And, by the way, Calvin knows more about science than the rest of his class put together. Just because he didn't put the assignment together just the cookie cutter way they wanted it... sheesh...

Can I quit my job and unschool now? Oh newly elected officials, (or even incumbent lord of our state, please listen), the system does not fit all.

Mama rant. Alone mama rant. Because no one feels the way I do, I guess.

doctors...arrgh...

I just got off the phone with my now-ex doctor. I am convinced that unless you have an immediately life-threatening condition, he doesn't want to be bothered with you. He graduated from Harvard Medical School and all that. Grrr....

I only called to ask about the results of some recent tests. I hoped he might have been open-minded, maybe have been open to some of the research I've been doing, that suggested a test that turned out normal may not have been, and may suggest the reasons of me having a body temperature of 96 point something and gaining weight on an anorexic diet. Pahhh... It's all normal, he told me, and he doesn't want to consider anything else.

At one point in the phone conversation, he paused for about a minute or so, and I had to ask him if he was still there. "Yes, but I was finished with what I had to say." Arrogant SOB.

I've had it with doctors. I'm smart enough to know what I have, and what needs to be prescribed for it, why can't I find a doctor who will take me seriously? And, for that matter, why can't I find anyone, including a spouse of fifteen years, who will?

Dangerous territory, I know.