Saturday, December 15, 2007

lonely Saturday night

Skip this post if you want to. I have absolutely nothing to say, I've had a couple vodka cranberry grapefruit juices, and I'm just killing time before my "official" bedtime of 9 something. I already practiced my banjo, and even the mandolin. After the banjo warmup, I really sounded better than ever on mandolin for some reason. Still, whenever I play a musical instrument, it seems like it's never enough. I don't want to be a mediocre musician.

It got down to 20 below again last night, although tonight it's cloudy so it will be warmer. I will have to fill the bird feeder first thing in the morning, the chickadees and pine grosbeaks have managed to clean out about five pounds of seed in a day or two. It still amazes me, having this flock of about a dozen pine grosbeaks hanging around here all day. Maybe I'll try to take pictures tomorrow.

I washed dishes this morning, which is about a three hour ordeal, well, counting the time I spend cleaning and organizing the cook shed. I can't wait to have a kitchen sink. And a real kitchen that is the center of the house, as my new kitchen will be. The Hermit asked what I had spent my day doing, and I said washing dishes, and he replied as if it were something to not be proud of, an empty chore. My reply was this: "It's a necessary task, and it is kind of satisfying to get it done. It gives me some time to think and listen to music. Why complain about it?"

My attitude is the only one I can change. But maybe it can be an influence.

I did my first Christmas shopping yesterday, and it could not have gone any better for someone like me. I knew what I wanted, I went into a store I thought would have it and they did, the whole transaction took under five minutes. Now if the rest of it can only go as well...I'm not good at this.

The Hermit is doing as well as can be expected, improving slowly, although he is frustrated at improving so slowly. We had a doctor's appointment yesterday that, in my opinion, was totally worthless. Just checking the numbers. We did tell the doctor that, after some careful consideration, he is not taking one of the prescribed medications (statin for cholesterol that really isn't that high). She tried to use scare tactics ("you don't want him to have another stroke, do you?") to which I could have replied "Hmmm...yes, it is interesting that he developed this condition a couple weeks after STARTING this medication that is supposed to protect him." I've done my homework, and I ain't no fool. Treating the symptoms does NOT equal restoring equilibrium and wellness. Especially when someone's making big bucks off of treating the symptoms. My Grandma is 88 years old, and not on any prescription medication.

He's in bed now. I'm lonely. I want my husband back, the one I was walking on the beach with a little over a month ago. I know we'll get there again, but it can't happen soon enough.

Maybe I'd better get that banjo out again.


Lynne said...

Deb, I'm sorry to hear you sounding so discouraged. The cold and dark can't be helping either. I'm not nuts about Christmas shoppingeither. I went to Ridgedale Friday at noon and the lots were packed! Cars were circling the lot looking for good spots. Crowds- GRRRR!
(actually, I wasn't saying grrr under my breath!) said...

I'm giving you the biggest hug

Anonymous said...

I can remember during the years of some really crummy jobs that doing the nightly dishes was something that actually left me with a feeling of accomplishment.

I can also remember writing about my gripes in my paper journal and finding that I felt better about them afterward. Maybe I hadn't vanquished them, but they hadn't vanquished me either.

I'm sending warm, fuzzy thoughts your way.


JoAnn said...

I wish I had words to make you feel "all better" My son and husband always comment on how strong a woman you are. Unfortunately when you're the strong one everybody leans on you but there are times when you need to lean on others. The Solstice is coming soon and everyday will be a little brighter. Hopefully your life will follow suit. Until then a big warm hug is coming to you from the "Forgotten Corner" of Washington. JoAnn

barefoot gardener said...

No fair! JoAnn took the words right out of my mouth.

I think you are doing the right thing, telling your doc what is and is not right for you and the Hermit. Even if there is no malicious, $$-sucking intent with doc's behavior, sometimes they tend to just throw meds at everything rather than really think about the patient and what THEY want.

When you are feeling lonely, please don't forget that you have some great friends who really care about you here in blog-land. We are all there with you in spirit, even if we live far away. I know it's not the same as having the Hermit up to par, but like you said he WILL get there. Hopefully, knowing you have friends to lean on will make the waiting easier.

Take care...

denise said...

Deb, I could do not more than repeat all the kind thoughts that were said before me. I would, however, commend you on your "Statin Stand". My DH turned up with high cholesterol 5-6 years ago. After doing the research we refused statins, too. Diet and exercise has lowered his cholesterol (and weight!) and kept it reasonable all these years since. It takes wome time to figure out what works for you, but I agree that treating the symptom--especially with such a scary drug-- is not the answer. Keep up the good work!

Deb said...

Lynne- I thought Duluth traffic was bad for a Friday! Another reason I'm glad I don't live in the Cities anymore.

I'm old enough to remember when Ridgedale opened. Suddenly, Brookdale was so not the place to be.

TwoFrogHome- Thanks. I like my blogging friends.

Pablo- I'm glad to hear from someone who can relate to the dishes thing. I really do like the time spent mostly alone. And writing my thoughts here seems to make everything better somehow. Thanks for your thoughts.

JoAnn- Thanks. I feel I do need someone to lean on lately. The Solstice does make a difference, just the thought that the days are getting longer is so encouraging. Thanks for the virtual hug.

Barefoot Gardener- I just love having this virtual community. Thanks for the encouraging words.

Denise- Thank you so much, I was so afraid I would get blasted for posting this by some "why don't you do what your doctor says" type. I really do think the body does a great job of regulating itself, and if cholesterol "numbers" are a bit high (I don't completely buy into the numbers game either), that means something else may be going on that requires attention. We are supplementing with cod liver oil, B complex, and a few other supplements, carefully chosen.

denise said...

Deb, There is a lot of information on alternative treatments for cholesterol out there. I'm sure you will find something that works for The Hermit. We also do not buy in to the numbers game. It seems as if someone just arbitrarily pulled those numbers out of a hat. In addition---the numbers for HDL and LDL and triglycerides keep changing!!! Eat well and exercise. Your body knows what to do if you give it the right tools.

arcolaura said...

Hi Deb - here's another hug!

Jim said...

Dear Deb-

Hugs from Jim too...

And I'll have one of my tequila cranberry juice cocktails in your honor.

Give The Hermit a big hug from us too!

Deb said...

Denise- I agree and thanks for the info. I think drugs are a last resort.

Laura- the hug is much appreciated. Returning one. :)