Wednesday, May 17, 2006

2:15 AM

I was in the middle of one of my epic movie-plot dreams, the kind that happen when I've had beer with lots of hops, when I felt the familiar but startling plop of a cat jumping on my legs. Slowly and cautiously it made its way up my body, each step exerting nine pounds per square inch on some tender body parts. A wet nose nuzzled my face as a furry body settled across my neck. My head was in a position where I could see the clock. "Puffball", I said groggily, "It's 2:15 AM!"

I was preparing to remove the purring animal from my neck when a small voice startled me.

"It always amazes me how you humans are preoccupied with that glowing number thing. It tells you when to wake up, when to eat, when to sleep. Ridiculous, if you ask me!"

"Puffball? Am I dreaming or are you talking to me?"

"It most certainly is me. I am here to tell you that it is Cat Adoration Time, and you WILL participate!"

"Hey--since when do you tell me what to do?"

"Listen, that thing you had the vet do to me three weeks ago was just plain unforgivable. But if you will indulge me in this ritual, at times of my own choosing, I won't have to vomit hairballs on the carpet."

"Sheesh...the things I do for you animals..."

"And another thing...what kind of a name is 'Puffball'? Sounds like some kind of fungus!"

"It's the kids' fault...whatever...just let me go back to sleep...well heck, now you've got me awake, I have to pee."

"While you're up, my food bowl is empty. That silly obnoxious dog's been in it again!"


I've been sharing a queen bed with three kids, a 4 month old lab puppy, and at least one cat for the last few nights.


madcapmum said...

I think you need to upgrade to one of those California king-size, or maybe get rid of the bed altogether and just spread foam pallets all over the floor and heap blankets and pillows around that anyone can grab at will. What a crowd!

clairesgarden said...

could you wait till they are all asleep and sneak off and sleep on the sofa? sounds like an intelligent cat!
I loved your hummingbird photograph, it looks so precious.

Pam in Tucson said...

Love your reality story! Smart cat, kids, puppy - so who's in control? I'm with madcapmum on this one. Reminds me of when our kids were little. Since my looms took up all the master bedroom, we slept on a huge pad out in the living room. We'd wake surrounded by four kids, three cats, two dogs, and sometimes a hamster or gerbil or two competing for prime real estate (in the case of the cats and the hamsters, usually on my face). The neighbour children said their mothers called us hippies.

Floridacracker said...

A 4 month old Lab would be enough! Cute tail.
I always wondered if cats spoke English. They seem so haughty...I assumed they spoke Francais.

Deb said...

madcap- And a California king-size quilt, or a bunch of full size ones all heaped in a pile! Imaging the quilting possibilities!

clairesgarden- The only problem is, by the time they are asleep, I'm already out, on my six inches on the edge of the bed.

Pam- Now that's living! :) I'm just curious, were cats and hamsters or gerbils on the loose in bed at the same time? And if so, did any of the small rodents ever go missing?

FC- I have to remind Sally she's a dog, not a person, and dogs get the foot of the bed.

I think Puffball may have had a slight British accent, but he may be bilingual; definitely has the French attitude. Or trilingual, since he is part Siamese, which explains the Zen attitude. ;)

LauraHinNJ said...

Full bed - sounds happy.

My old man dog prefers his orthopedic bed these last few years - I miss him beside me sometimes - though he did have the habit of pinning me under the blankets!

Pam in Tucson said...

Deb- None of our rodents went missing. Interestingly the gerbils and cats were okay together, perhaps because gerbils will bite if provoked. One hamster and one kitten grew up together and got along well; they would vie for a position under my chin or on my nose. Another hamster loved being in a rolling ball. Our Irish Setter would play soccer with her; apparently the hamster liked it, because she would roll herself back to the Setter, waiting to be kicked away again.