I turned 49 on Sunday. That means I'm counting down 361 days to a milestone age. And suddenly I'm thinking about where my life is, where I want it to be, etc. and, how I can make this one wild and precious life the best it can be. Not that I didn't think about it before, but face it: I will, for all practical purposes, have two kids in college next year (Nina will be full time Post Secondary Enrollment Opportunity, spending her senior year of high school at Lake Superior College; Vinny will be at University of Minnesota-Duluth). It's a time of letting them fly, but also a time to discover myself.
A lot of good things have happened over the last few years. I've started practicing yoga, which has had great mental and physical benefits. I've started seriously running and completed two half marathons. I have played a few musical gigs and even developed a group of friends who come out to see me play. In short, I have become much more comfortable in my own skin.
Still, there are things I want to be better at. Parts of myself that still scare me! I think one of the best ways of working these things out is by writing. I used to blog a lot, and I think the time has come once more. There is so much I have discovered that I want to share.
I don't have a plan for this. I don't want to commit myself to a post a day, because one day I'll break down and not post, and, seeing I have broken the commitment I'll say "What's the use?" And not post for months. So, let me just say, I want to share, regularly, stuff that makes me stand in awe. Stuff that makes me think. There's a lot of beauty that happens every single day, if we allow ourselves to see it.
So today I had some time between work and yoga class. I am fortunate to be able to take a yoga class in the small town/rural area where I live. I started with a class offered through Community Education, then a few classes with a circle of friends, and now I am taking advantage of the class at Anytime Fitness. Getting back to today, the sun was out, weather warm enough to go for a short hike along the Kettle River. The photo above is at Robinson Park, a former sandstone quarry from the 1900's, from which the town of Sandstone gets its name. The trees have grown up among the piles of rock, but the Kettle River flows on.
4 comments:
Smiling my friend, for I often wonder the same things. I look back at those five years of every day blogging, and I had so much insight when I wrote from my heart. Now, it's what I'm eating for lunch on Fb. Sigh. My forties were so damn wonderful, and I could not wait for my fifties. Now, I wish I were back in my 40's... ha. New stages, new changes, and challenges I did not anticipate for this decade. Feels as if I'm just treading water a good bit of the time. Wishing I had the grounding of my blog, and yet, don't seem to have the energy to pick it back up. You've given me food for thought at least. It's been inspiring to see how you've expanded your life. Gives me hope that I too, will at some point, be on steadier footing again. XO
We are all on the journey to figure out how to live this life. Some people don't give a shit, and they're miserable, but you are tryin to better yourself as well as find your self. I admire that, for that is my quest as well. I'm 39, and having the same feelings as you. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. Sometimes I am, most of the time I am not. And it's mostly because I can't ease up about life and the situations it brings me. But I'm getting better. I'm also wondering if I should publish thoughts poetic musings and philosophical wondering in this superficial age? What's the point? What does it prove? Whothefuck cares? But alas my muse and my natural inclination of self expression compels me. The things that hold me back from journaling are many, the one reason, that it sets my soul free, is reason enough to do it at least weekly. Sorry for the rant Deb. Love your posts!
Milestone birthdays—or as in your case, a pre-milestone birthday—have that effect on a lot of us. We live our lives amid a finite span of time…a journey not to be wasted. A friend has a quote over his desk that says something along the lines of: "When you take responsibility for yourself, you develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams." The important thing to always remember is that only you can set the course for becoming the "best" you. Love, happiness, purpose—they're all individual realizations, different points, different definitions for each of us.
Sometimes self-growth means letting go, dialing down, being truthful with yourself as to what is—not only practical or reasonable—but right for you. That's exactly what you're doing by choosing to post when you have something to say rather than simply to keep to some committed schedule. I've had to come to terms with the same thing myself regarding my own blog.
Anyway, happy birthday! Forty-nine is young! Wait 'til you have grandkids! And here's another quote I firmly believe: "A person is not old until regrets take the place of dreams."
Jayne- I know your road has has some challenging turns. Your blog posts were so inspirational to me. When the time is right, you will return. It has been a year already since we met at that Ringgold exit! The Chattanooga whiskey bottle, long empty, sits on my buffet. :)
Nathan- When I was 39, I couldn't wait for my thirties to end. Worst decade of my life, maybe. I checked out your blog, and I will have to go back and read more. Deep thoughts...the Bard of Bruno! Keep on writing! We'll have to play some tunes some day.
Grizz- Hello! It's been way too long! Actually, I checked out your blog about an hour before your comment appeared here. Great minds think alike, good to be back in contact.
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