I am still dealing with the fact that my post about the basketball game is approaching 5,000 page views. I certainly did not think that what I wrote for myself, intended to share with a few friends, would reach that far. It made me nervous, in fact. I was editing the original post while I waited in line at JC Penneys to buy my son a suit for the funeral. I am nervous that so many people have read what was a heartfelt reaction to the untimely death of a friend, teammate, and classmate of my son. I hope I said everything right. I know I didn't, and there are places where I could have done better. I am sorry for that.
Healing has begun here. It can't ever get back to normal, but we're adjusting. Basketball season is over. It was heartbreaking, going to every game. But now there is baseball to look forward to.
There but for the grace of God go I. But where is the grace when a young man is gone? I don't know, and I guess I never will.
4 comments:
I read your original post, Deb. It was authentic and moving. I'm glad to know you.
Joel O.
I've always hated that phrase, "there but by the grace ..." because as you pointed out, there must surely have been Grace for a child who died too soon.
having been raised a Presbyterian, i feel free to criticize the Calvinism that spawned that phrase. Under "pure" Calvinism, we all start out basically "bad" and some chosen few are given Grace. One cannot choose it, and one cannot refuse it. It is simply given to the "chosen".
I think that is crazy thinking - but John Calvin is no longer here to explain his rationale to me. Instead i would suggest that we stop using that phrase completely, and believe that if there is a God, then He (or She) loves all His/Her creatures and that we all have Grace.
Am so sorry for your loss. Sadly, i can tell you from experience, that there will always be a small hole in the tapestry of your lives - a hole created by his death. a big virtual hug to you.
Joel- Thanks. And you're an English teacher, so that means a lot. Wish we could get together some time and pick some tunes.
Webb- Thanks for the historical perspective. Part of this experience has been thinking "that could have been my kid", but I do not feel lucky or blessed in the least. God loves us all, but that doesn't keep bad things from happening.
My son has a decal now, honoring Colton, in the back window of his new truck. Which he proudly drove to school for the first time the day Colton died. It turns out Colton was born two days before Vinny.
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