Truth is an elusive thing. Every artist, every composer or musician creates their version of it, honed by experience. Some come close to getting it right. I was playing a Bach partita on flute today, sight reading it actually; I have had this sheet music for over 25 years and had never looked beyond the first movement. Life has this sneaky way of getting in the way. But when I play Bach, whether it is a piece I know or one that is new to me, I feel a sense of "rightness". The phrases progress precisely the way they need to. There is truth in that.
So maybe my lack of blogging frequency in recent years has been due to a feeling that I am not completely expressing the truth about my existence. I'm not telling outright lies, nor do I have the need to, but there are truths out there that I am not comfortable putting in words for everyone to see. Is there anyone who can't say that?
For example, when I started this blog, I (rather pompously) considered myself a "homesteader"--you know, the self sufficient lifestyle, to various degrees. I even included the term in my blog description. But over the years, the term has lost its meaning to me and I no longer identify with it. To tell the ongoing story, of how we built our own house and all that, means leaving out some truths that don't fit that "homesteader" image. The human fallibility. The stuff I don't want others to see, mostly.
But now that I'm older (50 is on the not so distant horizon), I'm inclined to care less about what others think, and so long as I do not go dramatic, a little raw honesty is a good thing. In fact, it may even help me write those songs I've been trying to all these years. You see, I'm not a singer songwriter, like I want to be. I'm
a parrot, a cover artist who just happens to be able to pull it off because I sound a bit like Emmylou Harris. :)
So what am I trying to say here? What in God's name am I blathering about? It is this: I want to return to a time when writing came more easily to me, but I want to add the wisdom and honesty that only years can bring. Who knows where it will go; the fact that I am sitting here typing this out on my iPhone is a miracle in itself. So, we'll see.